From an early age, I was taught to be polite. This was especially important when speaking to strangers. Like many of my friends, I learned not to be too direct and that if you don’t have anything nice to say, then you’re better off keeping your opinion to yourself. I was taught that people are sensitive, and you should avoid saying things that may upset them. Because of this upbringing, we Irish tend to be more indirect in our dealings with strangers compared to other cultures. Perhaps this is a face-saving or conflict avoidance mechanism. There is an unspoken expectation that the person we are speaking to will be able to read between the lines of what we are saying to them. Irish culture is what is referred to by the experts as “high context” where body language and how something is said is often more important than the actual words being uttered. Within the family setting or within circles of close friends in Ireland, however, different rules apply. Here people’s feelings aren’t spared as much, and banter (even to the point of slagging) is pretty normal behaviour. So for me, this is how everyone behaved, everywhere…
And then I came to Germany. To be honest, I was shocked at the beginning. I remember coming to the hospital in Stuttgart to collect my wife after she had given birth to our younger daughter. Having said our goodbyes to the nurses, we were at the doors of the lift in the maternity ward on our way down to the car. As the doors opened, we were greeted by two strangers, women in their 50s. We smiled and politely said hello. They looked at each other and then they turned to my wife, not to coo over the baby or to congratulate her, no! but rather to chastise her. “How could you!” they said, “how could you take a baby out dressed like that in this weather!” My poor wife immediately thought her mothering skills were being put into question - and by complete strangers to boot! She was so upset. That would have never happened in Ireland, or at least not like that. Never as direct as that.
That was 21 years ago, and in the meantime, there have been numerous comparable incidents both in and outside work. But I’ve learned not to take offence at such things. I suppose, I’ve learned to see things a bit differently. I’ve adapted. The two ladies who greeted my wife and me at the doors of the lift in Stuttgart all those years ago were only trying to be helpful. It was cold outside, and they were worried that the baby might catch a chill. It was a practical advice thing, that’s all. They were merely reflecting German people’s keen sense of community and social conscience and maybe we were being a bit oversensitive. Germans are direct and if you ask for an opinion, people say what they really think. Sometimes they can be brutally honest - but don’t confuse that with disrespect. Sometimes the feedback is tough. But you will know exactly where you stand with a German, and that’s refreshing. Germans struggle with lack of clarity and uncertainty, so if you want to be successful in business in Germany, then go easy on the small talk and the jokes, be clear and unambiguous about what you want, be factual, be efficient and last but not least be respectful. “Alles klar!”
Conor Riordan
July 2020
Conor Riordan is the Founder & CEO of Riordan Communication Services (RCS). Based in Karlsruhe in Germany, RCS specialises in helping companies expand into new overseas markets. We help them to develop the skills - including the language and inter-cultural awareness skills - that they need to be successful.